i have been talking to myself for most of my life and i just realized that while doing it i find myself defending my abusers i now noticed when i talk to myself i hear myself making excuses for why i desereve to be abused and i want to know what is that considered when you talk to yourself and while doing it you are telling yourself why your abuser deserves to abuse you cause i find myself repeating the abusive dialoge that the abuser said to me for example if my abuser said to me " the reason why you lost the game is cause god has control not man" then when im alone i will start telling myself that same thing that person told me and i will go on for hours doing this ehat should i do about that and what is that called in psychology