HI there. I am very sorry for your current turmoil and situation.

I disagree that it was sexual assault, however. You told him to get a condom, therefore, it was consensual sex. Had you been saying 'no' the whole time, and had he physically forced himself upon you, it would have been sexual assault. Saying no at first, but then "went along" and telling him to get a condom is consensual sex.

Also, he bought the alcohol because you said you were anxious, NOT because you were saying no to sex. That's according to your post. Drinking alcohol with a friend with whom you've had previous sex is a recipe for disaster and will likely lead to sex. You must have known this on some level.

In my opinion, you took a huge risk by inviting someone over with whom you've hooked up previously. You knew the risk and you knew the history.

Perhaps some part of you wanted to have sex again with your friend. Otherwise, WHY did you invite him over when your boyfriend was out of town, of all times? I think you invited this sexual experience because on some level, you were aware of the risk and your boyfriend was conveniently out of town.

And perhaps you caved and had sex with him because you were also afraid to lose him as a friend? Could that be true? If that's the case, he's not truly your friend, if you're worried he only cares about you because he can have sex with you.

Also, a true friend wouldn't put the moves on someone who says they're very serious and committed to their boyfriend. He should have respected your boundaries verses dancing with you and taking off your clothes when you were drunk. So he DID take advantage of the situation, in my opinion, and he took advantage of YOU.

So you now have to face the consequences of your actions. Either you tell your boyfriend and be honest, or you keep it a secret and it will eat you up inside due to the dishonesty.

I don't think you are ready for marriage, or else you would not have cheated on your boyfriend, and you would not have invited this man over while he was out of town.

I would at the very least, reconsider your "friendship" with this man. As I said, that is no true friend, someone who will take advantage. He was not respectful.