Hi @Lily11 welcome to Psych Central. First of all, it's good that you sat down and wrote out what you shared here. There are times where all of us act on impulse or go along with something and choose to do things that result in consequences that are not good.

What you shared about this guy that you have known for 10 years and the two of you were not only friends but also had sex together means that this guy is basically viewing you as agreeable to both friendship and sexual intimacy. And over the years you have probably had alcohol, gotten drunk and had sex with him. And my guess is that you also both saw other people. Well, that's very similar to having an open marriage where both partners agree to seeing other people. As you mentioned, he had a girlfriend for 8 years and still met up with you and the two of you were intimate. So, it's reasonable for him to think that even though you are seeing someone you supposedly love that it's ok for him to see you and be intimate too. I am not going to tell you this guy is a bad person or isn't a friend because YOU set up this relationship to function a certain way that YOU felt you needed and it had been an understanding with the two of you. I have never done that, not my thing so my boundaries are different than yours. So, now that you feel the way you do, you are going to change your boundaries with this friend. You know what you no longer care to do with him too.

Just because this therapist mentioned she was leaning towards rape, doesn't mean it was rape. It's important to think about the history of this relationship and my guess is that you had sex with him lots of times when you were drunk. And both of you were probably seeing other people too. So the two of you got used to having open boundaries when it came to being intimate. And for all you know or we know, this may have been something you chose to do so you could feel safe being intimate with someone despite being sexually assaulted. Maybe it was your way of regaining your sense of personal power yet at the same time moving forward and experiencing other relationships too. Maybe, you were friends and agreed to use each other sexually too, and that's what he knows of you.

Others will advise according to THEIR values about things, and even therapists can do that as well. For myself, well, I have never engaged in a friends with benefits relationship. But that is just me, and I am not going to condemn you due to my values or choices. I personally am not going to suddenly decide what happened to you was rape either, not given what you shared about the history you have had with this guy. And perhaps part of how you feel that you have shared was that you found out that you do love this new boyfriend and it's different than the love you experienced with your friend too. Perhaps, subconsciously you needed to know that too. Perhaps, even the fact that you have this guilt feeling means you actually care or love this guy you are living with and you feel safe with him too. Maybe you have outgrown this friend, that you now can engage with someone in a more meaningful relationship. That the fact that you feel what happened was wrong too means you do care about this guy you are living with and a part of you needed to know that about yourself.

The other thing you learned about this experience is that when you drink you are more susceptibe to making bad decisions and don't defend your boundaries well. Growth is about learning, seeing the things you choose to do that result in consequences you don't want to experience. So this friend says he loves you, but it's not the kind of love you want. That's ok to recognize and quite honestly, a lot of people experience this kind of awareness about a partner. And guess what, there is not one person posting to you about this that has not made a mistake themselves, including myself. Truth is, we all learn from our mistakes and we experience that kind of learning our entire lives.

Also, Lily, these medications you are taking all say not to drink while on them. They tend to intensify the affects of alcohol, and can also severely affect/damage your liver.