Don’t beat yourself up. I forgot if you are seeing a therapist, it might really help you to get to the bottom of it. Perhaps you pursuing unavailable men has something to do with your upbringing etc You want to break this cycle

I suggested to you before if you want to stop putting up with him, start with not going to his house. Then start expanding your circle of friends, get new hobbies or get a second job or start big projects. Be busy so you aren’t tempted to go see him.