lol.....

I am the alter that is in "control" of making decisons for our "system"...

finding... a therapist that even remotely understands DID well enough to try to treat a patient... well in my humble opinion... can we just say "hehehehehehehe"...

because I am feeling better today...

went to the PF doctor... YEA... and he has helped me get all the "kinks" out of my treatment... he is a special.. dr.. cause.. my ED.. my DID... and my PTSD... didn't stop him from treating me.. can't say the same as my internist...

I did do an email.. of termination... he and I discussed over the phone.. and.. I went back in...

I allowed my alter... who.. was asked to leave... to talk to him... and she.. does not agree with his viewpoint..

and.. neither do the majority of the alters... so majority does rule in this case...

I think had he... let the session contiune.. and asked for a different alter.. and then broached the subject of boundaries later at another session.. it might have been able to be worked out...
Being told to leave.. brings up the question... of ......what if it was a little... and he asked her to leave... ya know... or everytime he hears something he doesn't like... am I going to have to leave...

and MOST importantly... do I know what it is that he does not want to hear... do my alters know... ahhhhhhhhh NO... they don't... and I do not have enough co-consiousness to... explain.. everything.. to all of them..

so.... how could I ever let my guard down.. I would have to insure.. that just certain alters were there .... all the time... and can I do that... ahhhhhh no...

I do think if I was swearing a blue streak... and threatening him in anyway... something like that... then I would also have a different "take" on the situtation...

but... then I really think suffering from flashbacks.. as I have been for the pass 2 weeks.. as other alters share their memories.. being sick...with ED...
his attitude does not "pass mustard".. or what every that saying is..

to the original question... I have already let him know our feelings... we did not come to a meeting of the "minds" my therapist and alters... so will go back Monday... and... tell him how much I appreciated everything that he has done for me... but am terminating therapy..

I have a pdoc... that sticks with me.. no matter what.... see him every 4-6 weeks... so though I will not have therapy... I will have.. help if I would ever need hospitalization... though it hasn't ever come to that yet...

I think that No.. therapy... is better than Bad... therapy....

and.. will I find another therapist... that treats DID... is any good... that takes my insurance....

ahhhhhhhhhhhh methinks Not...

but right now... working with someone.. who... I can't trust.. of what good is that???? ya know???

so... am sad... very sad.. on the insides... and it will get scary with no therapist....

But.. my last T.. of 4 years... didn't believe in DID... I had to go because of financial reasons... and because my ED... was wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy out of control... and.. well lets just say... her therapy was a nightmare... because without recognising alters... my behavior makes no sense..

she... was so funny... she kept asking me why I "changed my mind" all the time... gezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz she was talking to different alters that had different viewpoints...