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But I need to work on my family situation so I don't feel like this mule for them anymore!
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This is just a type of thing that therapy can help with.
A main part of freeing yourself imo is going to be learning to tolerate the feelings that you get from your nieces or sister when you are not available to them. Making comments like "You always do stuff with them" fosters those guilty feelings. You might want to read a bit about
emotional blackmail, which is when someone gives you emotional pain when you don't do what they want.
Take kayaking for example. Suppose you had gone kayaking and told your sister about it. What would have happened in your family?
I confess to being a little annoyed with your sister. You took in her children for three entire weeks this summer--exceedingly generous of you!--and yet she still comments about time you might spend with your bf's family?
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I look at my friends who just do whatever the heck they want, or have healthy relationships. It makes me depressed feeling like that is unattainable.
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I think it is attainable, with attentive effort on your part to figure out what you want to do on any given day/week and then sticking with it even in the presence of negative feelings or efforts to persuade you otherwise.
You can do this. Your t and your bf can help!