Thank you, Beth. To be honest this one hits pretty close to home. As I mentioned in my post above, it's possible that this is a remnant symptom of the mixed state(s) I've been going through since the start of this year. Right now I don't feel manic in terms of energy-level, but I do have these feelings, as well as a lot of anger and a lot of anxiety. I'm obsessively thinking about losing access to my therapist again if covid gets worse again, and I can't get that thought out of my head. It's just circling around 24/7. Sometimes irritability surfaces for a few days but then it's gone again for a while.

But to answer your question; no, honestly, I don't feel like my wife understands. I don't even like to try to talk to her anymore about it because it's just frustrating. I can tell she just wants me to get better, and I feel like she blames me because I can't. She just wants me to be that happy enthusiastic guy again (and I do, too, but I can't just flip a switch). I just have to try and put on that mask. I feel like a burden to my family but I can't in good conscience leave (either by starting a new life or ending this one) either because I'm responsible for them, so I'm just completely trapped. Honestly I feel much more of a connection with my therapist right now and I enjoy talking to her much more than anyone else.