Quote:
Originally Posted by bpcyclist
I really relate to what you write, Fluffy
My ex-wife never believed I was bipolar, despite umpteen manic and psychotic and depressive episodes. She wanted me to be just an addict, so she could call me a scumbag and feel victory. Once the $3000 shoes and six trips to Hawaii and Paris a year were done, she could not leave fast enough. She did not mean the part about "in sickness.." She liked the part about shoes.
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I'm sorry to hear that, bpcyclist.
Hope you've been doing better since then.
My wife, I think she means well, but she just can't understand that I just can't wish away the bipolar. She keeps wanting me to just think more optimistically, just don't ruminate and obsess so much, just don't hold on to so much anger, and so on. I can't seem to really get across that these are symptoms that I can sort of try to manage but ultimately have no real control over. And I just can't shake the conviction that she only really loves me when I'm in a good place. She doesn't show me much if any affection when I'm not doing well. If anything I feel like it annoys her. But in a sense I can't even really blame her because I even I hate myself when I'm like that. That's one of the things I hate the most about being bipolar; I feel it keeps me from being who I really am and doing the things I really want to do. I feel like just a ghost of myself.