I have a couple issues with my mental health and trying to figure out what's going on up there.
Before I start I wanted to mention I have been seen by many doctors as recent as two years ago being diagnosed with multiple things. I stopped taking the medication with doctors approval in the beginning of 2018. And been living with these issues ever since and able to cope with it for the most part.
It's almost driving me crazy trying to figure out what is going on in my head at the moment and when I attempt to talk about it with anyone my head starts filling itself with thoughts about how they think I'm crazy or I won't make sense anyway.
Last thing I want to say is that I'm very aware of myself and notice things more easily than most people but this is the one thing I can't get to.

It's like I have two different mind-sets. For example, let's say I'm going about my day like usual and my boyfriend texted me. Random and impulsive thoughts start getting into my head saying things like how I should start a fight with him or take time to manipulate him and mess up his mind. Of course I don't go through with it, I mean how could I? I love him and I would never want to hurt him in any way. I brush those thoughts off almost immediately but for some reason in the back of my mind I feel an urge to just do it.
Another example would have to be when I'm taking a test on my mental health. This example might relate more towards my small bipolar issue but it doesn't feel like it's just that. I could be taking a test and having a question come up about.. let's say.. my appearance and if I think I'm ugly or have a lot of flaws. I have mini arguments in my head before I answer this question. I know for a fact I'm beautiful and I get told this a lot but in the back of my mind I don't feel like I am. I feel like I'm horrific to look at and I wouldn't want anyone to see me. What's weird is that I play both roles everyday. Sometimes, I'm confident, wearing things I know I look great in and other times I can't even get out of my room and risk people looking at me. And only when I look in the mirror I see myself as an attractive person. When I don't look in the mirror I start thinking I'm ugly.

Keep in mind these are only a couple examples that happen in my head. People I know don't know this part of me because I keep it well hidden. They only know me as someone who is confident and kind to everyone and I'm certain I'm not that kind of person.

I need help on what's going on with my head, what to call it, and how to decrease these horrible wants and thoughts.