Hello Kev: I see this is your first post here on PC. Welcome to Psych Central. The Sexual & Gender Issues forum, here on PC, may also be one to take a look at. Here's a link just in case you haven't already noticed it:

https://psychcentralforums.com/sexua...gender-issues/

You mentioned you're an "older guy". I don't know what you think of as older. I myself am 72. So I really am an older guy! (Yikes!)

I'm sorry I don't know of any particular resources that would be available to you to help you to put your sexual orientation concerns into perspective. The only thing that occurs to me would be to see if you can find an LGBTQ organization in your area & see if they might have any suggestions. Perhaps there might be some sort of group therapy type situation you could join?

What I can tell you, based on my own personal experience, is that around the age of 60 is when these sorts of issues can really bite. I myself have waged a life-long struggle with my gender identity. And although I was able to more-or-less keep on top of it for most of my life, it was around the time I reached my late 50's or early 60's that it suddenly flamed with renewed intensity. And from the reading I've done on a couple of different transgender forum websites, the experience I had is not in the least unusual. So, based on that, I would be inclined to say your sexual orientation experience is probably not unique either if that is of any comfort.

I do know what you mean about the websites you've visited. I've had a similar experience in visiting transgender websites. Almost all of the members of these forum websites either have transitioned or are in some stage of their transition. And, since I have chosen to remain in my "assigned gender at birth" (AMAB) role I really just don't fit in on any of those websites.

You mentioned you had thought about seeing a sex therapist but your insurance won't cover it. If your insurance will cover other types of individual therapy could you, perhaps, simply seek therapy for general issues perhaps related to aging & depression & then raise your sexual orientation concerns within that context? You'd, of course, want to be discerning with regard to the particular therapist you saw. But, depending on where you live of course, you may well be able to find a therapist who, while not advertising themselves as a "sex therapist", would be more than capable of accompanying you on this journey especially since it sounds as though you're really still at the beginning stages of figuring out what all of this means to you.

Anyway... those are my thoughts with regard to your post. I'm sorry I can't offer anything more specific. I do hope, though, that you find PC to be of benefit.