Hi Ahnoid21. Welcome to Psych Central. I am sorry for the loss of your grand mom. She must have meant the world to you.

Since you did not see her for 18 months, you may have to dig through memories further back to think of the good times you had with her. Those are alive within you. I feel my grandparents really helped me find my way in life. They showed me how simple life could be so as I moved into this complex world, I could still have a life line to that simplicity.

I am sorry things are not on good terms with your mom. That can make grieving more complicated. And grieving can be an extended process. here are some articles that may help in the grieving process
Coping with Grief | Psych Central

@CANDC