My mind plays tricks on me it tells me I'm not enough. It makes me feel worthless especially since living most of my life who made me feel that way. I feel ugly and useless most of the time. I try to change and be more positive but i never reach my expectations that i want to live up too.

I just want to be happy. It's such a simple dream that most people posses. So why is it so hard to reach? I feel like most people are never happy with what they do have they always want more. They continue to never have enough till they are depressed. I wish i could live in the moment and realize that my life isn't that bad.

However I am hard on myself. I don't see what other people see in me. I don't see how anyone could care about me. Much less love me.

I tend to push people away or avoid affection from people. I feel like i don't deserve it. It would also be new to me as I have been pretty sheltered my whole life. And i lived with my mom who does not care about me.

Sometimes I am trapped in my own thoughts. Sometimes i hate myself because i feel like i could never be good enough for anyone or even myself.