Feel like I'm about to explode. Everyone keeps telling me I need to be clean and sober, but there's a f'king reason I turned to substances in the first place. They make me feel good. That's not something I get w/o some sort of substance whether it be weed, oxy, or prozac. Prozac put me in the hospital, the other two haven't.

I feel like in all my life I've only had a handful of good days. I remember some of them. I'm trying to remember them, but I'm already crying because most of them involved people that are gone from my life. Burnt bridges and toxic relationships.
I tried calling my ex to get some of those good feelings back, but the phone just kept ringing and ringing. Someone I loved deeply until he said "I love you" while I was thinking suspiciously of him.
Idk if I even have bipolar/sza, but I sure as hell have abnormal mood swings and do really f'ked up things frequently.