Yeah, it really is miserable. This has been going on for months, so at this point I basically have no idea anymore how I "really" feel about things. I want to avoid doing anything rash but these thoughts have now been my reality for so long that it's getting hard not to.

At this point I'm pretty sure I want to go for ect if the Lamictal doesn't work in another two or three months. I did get my wife to read about ect. She was dismissive of it at first but after reading up on it she was more supportive at least. I think most people have horror stories in mind when they think about ect.

I have a four year old and six-month old twins, and I'm happy to have them but it's probably another stress factor that's not helping my stability right now.