I'll try to have hope like you do.

I realize today, yes I DO have a problem and that problem is that I'm depressed. Legitimately depressed as in, I have a mental illness kind of depressed. I've felt this way for a few months. And I hate hate hate to admit because I had achieved remission and was doing so well before everything happened. But I guess that's just how life goes. I'm sick again. I have to accept it. At least I'm in therapy and have a psych doc, getting treatment. So hopefully one day I'm going to feel better again. Because I've been through this before and got better.

I just wish it would stop happening. It's like life can never just be GOOD. I'm tired of going through horrible challenges and being tried and scored to my very core. Why can't life just be good for a change? Am I being punished for something? Am I a horrible person? I try so hard to be a good person and do good in the world. I don't know why horrible things keep happening to me.

I've just been through so much. When is it going to get better? Not that I expect anyone to be able to answer that. I'm just frustrated with my life, and how things have been for too long. All I know how to do is be strong and survive. There's not been a whole lot of living or enjoying life. Very little of that. Just survival.