I had a therapy that went wrong. Long story, that I can't seem to get around sharing, but wrong enough that I felt I needed help with the aftermath. So, I found a new T. I tried a few, she would've been my first choice for a number of other reasons as well, but she was also the only one who got that this thing with ex-T is important. So it's really promising, so far.

Now we're at a point where I shared some of the specific situations that were particularly distressing, and that's nice, to be able to talk about it at all. But. The more I talk about that stuff the more likely it is that she decides that I whined enough about xT, or she glimpses the same horrible wrongness I xT did (at least, that's what I fear has happened, however irrational it might be), and reject me.

NewT hasn't said or done anything to that effect yet. But I'm ridiculously scared. I fear it's only a matter of time. My anxiety is out of hand. Wanted to get an email out to her before tomorrow's session, but seeing how I spent this whole week trying to achieve that,and I still haven't written a word (and it's past my bedtime), it will likely not happen at this point.

I mean, part of me says that if she's going to have a problem with my ****, it's better to find out sooner than later. But I really don't want it to happen before I get the xT stuff into a manageable shape at least

Hopefully, this is mostly the expectation set by the previous therapy, and the fact that talking about, or even remembering these situations tends to drag me back into that emotional state, which is then very hard to get out of. I do recall this fear from some of the conflicts with xT, very bizarre, like my existence is threatened somehow.