I was diagnosed with BPD 5 years ago, but it kind of fell to the side. At one point I was told I didn't need therapy anymore. I kind of forgot I had this diagnosis.

But then I've been self-reflecting at a lot of my relationship issues, friendships and otherwise. I realized I have extreme reactions to fears of abandonment. I have severe trust issues. I might get paranoid about people thinking they have bad intentions (also have been treated badly by a lot of people so it makes sense). I have a lot of the symptoms but not all of them. They seem to get worse when I'm really stressed out and dealing with a lot in my life. When things are going well, they seem less prevalent

I've been going through a lot lately, so I've been noticing the symptoms.

I also realized that...I have hurt people wrongly because I was perceiving things that weren't necessarily true. But I became so erratic, overwhelmed, anxious and upset I acted impulsively. I wasn't aware back then, in these situations, I was doing that. But I'm aware now. So I'm going to talk to my therapist about treatment. I met someone I love and almost blocked him today and because his behavior upset me, I thought he was going to abandon me and it seemed like the world was ending. And reality, it was nothing like that. Thankfully I didn't block or confront him or do anything harmful to him. I have good self-control. But I came so close to losing it over...basically...nothing.

I really love him. I don't want to put him through hell, so I'm going to try and get better.