One week into a bad chronic fatigue syndrome flare-up. My head feels like it is being crushed by a vice, I am dizzy all the time, and of course exhausted. It is incredibly debilitating and demoralising. My Mum had to come over to change my sheets as I don't have the capacity to even do that. I don't want to live like this. This is not a life worth living. Medicine has no answers. All I can do is rest and wait in hope I feel better before I snap out of despair.

This coming Saturday I have an initial appointment with a new pdoc as my old one retired suddenly. Hopefully, I will have more energy by then as it involves an hour round trip drive, and an hour of explaining my mental illness, trauma, and physical illness history. I also need him to understand I need a very slow long taper off high doses of benzodiazepines. Also, I hope he agrees to bulk-bill me so I have no gap payment. Otherwise it will cost $240. I can't afford that every 4-6 weeks.

Sigh, I am struggling. Really struggling.