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So why am i trying to be this good girl? why not make my self feel better and give her a real problem to get mad at me for? ...

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(((Court)))) it isn't that you did this, it's WHY you did it, and what you did, that can lead to very bad results.

Everyone does something that a parent never finds out about, nor do they want them to. But from the way you posted this, and the reasons you give, and some of your thinking, this was pure, blatant acting out. I think everyone is pretty much responding to that evidence, and are concerned for you. I doubt anyone is angry with you.

To me, this is a cry for help. But since we are not there, all we here at PC can do is give you words that convey our concerns.

Please find someone to share this with, a responsible adult who can help you understand why you are feeling this way, and needing to do something like this. It's important, honest.