I took 10 milligrams of melatonin last night just so I could sleep. The 10 milligrams seems to be doing a number on me more then the 30. I fell into a deep 9.5 hour sleep and then I had a glass of coffee and then I actually went back to bed this morning for about an hour and 15 minutes. I haven’t gone back to bed to actually sleep in weeks. Now I’m drinking an iced latte from Dunkin Donuts and despite the caffeine and full night of sleep and nap, I’m still tired and out of it. I haven’t had much to eat in a few days. I have heard somewhere that addicts are skinny or are on the skinny side but I don’t know why. I had jelly beans and coffee for breakfast though. So yeah I can kinda see them saying that. My mom doesn’t get why I’m so out of it today. Or have been out of it in general. I also almost accidentally forwarded my Hot Topic store pickup notice email to my therapist. Because I was so tired. That would have been a mess trying to explain why I sent it to her.

But I’ll admit it. Maybe I’m not ready to admit it to anyone in real life right now. But I‘ll admit it on PC. I have an issue with prescription and over the counter drugs. My therapist notices when I take Xanax though because I get really spacy. I took one a few sessions ago and she asked if I was tired and I said “yeah do I seem tired?” And she said “you seem sleepy.“ Then asked if I had taken a Xanax. I didn’t know until then that I get so out of it when I take one.