I was wearing a Road ID which is a really cool product. It was a stainless steel block/chip thing on a rubbery type bracelet. But then I realized my wrist had broken out and was all red and blistery. I'm allergic to nickel and I contacted the company and sure enough there is nickel in the product. I was disappointed because I did like the product. Then I got the idea that I could psuedo hurt myself by wearing the bracelet and letting my wrist become raw and maybe infected. But I told myself I couldn't do that because that would be self harm because I know what would happen and it wouldn't be an accident. I'm really feeling more committed to not hurting myself. OF COURSE now today I feel like harming myself because I am feeling depressed. But maybe also because I thwarted my own idea about self harm and now I want to self harm proper? I'm not sure. UGH. Sometimes I feel like I hate myself.