Yes, it does seem like shame may well be that feeling, and grown big and fat and shapeless. And then made unconscious, by dissociation or other means?

Writing about this stuff helps me, too. Plus I find it interesting and helpful to read other people's perspectives on things that are similar to what I struggle with.

The BetterHelp T is kind, but the deeper stuff came bubbling up some anyway. I told her a little about the last T and asked her to let me know if I was too much for her. And that if I was I would try to find somebody else on that platform. So at least that possibility is out in the open for discussion.