I'm a bit less than a month away from turning the same age as my father when he died. He died young, from just bad luck. The doctor told me years ago that there could be no correlation between his death and mine. Still, my fears have really shot up lately because of this approaching milestone. Every ache or pain is the thing that's going to be my end. Terrible, terrible fear about this. I can find small bits of respite when I take my dogs for a walk or watch TV, but it makes for a pretty lousy day.

It's not the dying that I'm afraid of. Sometimes I'd even welcome it. More it's not being able to be with my pups on their final days. I would feel terrible leaving them behind for strangers to be with them. My brother said he'd take them, but he's pretty flaky with me so I'm not sure I trust that he will. My pups are 8 and 9 so getting up there. I just want to be there for them and just need a few more years.


Anyway, I too am fearing death a lot lately but don't want to die just yet.