Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv
A lifelong friendship is complex. For her to say ‘you deserved it’ shows she had a lot of pent up anger, jealousy, resentment toward you. I’m sure you both had every single emotion for each other. Over all that time, everything is bound to happen. It’s more of a family relationship than a friendship. I’m not saying you earned all those bad feelings but obviously she had them because that comment is not anything one would say to a friend.
I occasionally think about my ex lifelong friend. It’s been two years since that final fallout. She got me good with a vicious comment, too. It’s only someone close to you, whom you’ve confided in, who can turn it around on you to hit you with it right between the eyes! It hurts because it makes us think that deep down, it’s true. It takes a stab at our innermost fears and they know it. That’s why they do it. How low can they go to emotionally murder you? Yes, that’s narcissistic.
I’m glad to be rid of my ‘friend’. I miss the good times we had and her sense of humor, when it wasn’t meanly directed at me. I don’t miss her using me and being a pain in the azz. I’m not angry at her for how she lashed out at me. That’s who she is; like when a wild animal is cornered, it will attack and bite. That’s what happened when you had a confrontation with your ex friend. People can turn on a dime.
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Hmmm. All true, especially about the self-doubt. I guess we always had an unspoken agreement...to support one another. Like her husband makes her feel stupid a lot but she isn't at all. And I always told her how smart she was...how intuitively smart. Which was true.
This is really the first time she has turned on me and made me feel...so low and lacking in confidence. My mother is dead, my sister is dead, I am not close to my sister-in-law. She knows she fills an important space in my life as the "important female supporter".
As usual, Tish, you managed to hit the nail on the head. I am in such a vulnerable space right now...and that is what makes me so angry.
She knows how angry I am because for the first time I blocked her on all my social media.
Also...I actually appreciate female friends. I have always had female friends. I have always enjoyed a "sisterhood" of sorts. But this has affected my ability to trust.
I have a few other women I could connect with and maybe kindle a deeper relationship with...but my ability to trust has been injured.
She MUST know what she did...that she went beyond the line.
This is something I do wonder about with narcissists. Do they realize what they do? Certainly they must.
This person's memory is very sharp. She remembers things I don't...like she will remember the names of my coworkers from former jobs. It's crazy. So I can't imagine she can't remember the things she said. That confuses me.
I am sorry to say I HATE HATE HATE HATE the behaviors of narcissists. THEY should be the ones alone without friends. No matter HOW MUCH I READ ABOUT narcissists I can never fully understand them. I don't know how they can live in such a dark place of manipulation and vindictiveness. I can't understand their minds. I can't understand their souls.
Unlike you I am very, very, very angry at my friend. I guess I expect more from her. That's how I feel. She was raised by such loving parents so there is really nothing in her childhood that warped her. She warped herself. I would really like to throw a pie in her face or something very humiliating. One thing I realize about narcissists is they don't have a sense of humor. I do. Without a sense of humor I would surely be dead. I have teased this friend and she just doesn't get teasing.
If narcissists don't understand jokes, or wit, or teasing...they must exist in a dead space.
You said your friend had a wicked sense of humor. Perhaps she wasn't a full-blown narcissist. I think at their core narcissists are pretty dull. So maybe your friend was another brand of toxic.
And now...I have never had these kinds of emotions about her.
THE ONLY EXPLANATION I can come up with is that maybe she has become a secret drinker. She has an addictive personality. If she abuses a substances it really would...possibly throw her into psychosis. I know she drinks now...and she never drank up until now.
I'm the opposite. I drank early in life and gradually gave it up and now don't drink. It is the only explanation...that maybe she was drunk when she texted me...and she would NEVER admit to it. While I would confess such a think in a heartbeat.
If this is the case...she is doomed...as she will never get help. Too proud.