The label narcissist has become the label most commonly used to affix to people that are difficult or in someway need more attention or to stand out in some kind of grandiose way. Often it's an individual that did not stand out more in their childhood and there was some kind of ongoing unmet need that took place. Something that wounded their sense of self, a narcissistic injury of somekind. However, the other way this can develop is by being coached to feel entitled too and having everything done "for" you. And what many are taught is that if they get everything right, everything is somehow perfect, that it puts you on top and you get rewarded and have worth and deserve to be respected.

What I have learned about individuals that lean narcissistic is how they learn to "change" the narrative. It's a form of cheating and they learn how to manipulate and can even gaslight themselves. So basically, they begin to believe their own narrative which is why it can be hard to get to the truth and the WHY behind their distorted behaviors (cognitive distortions). Often, there is a deep seeded desire to stand out, to make up for their inability to somehow stand out in childhood, OR, that they were taught they are entitled to stand out too.

Actually, this behavior is observed in other primates where these primates that are born into the "superior" group simply learn they are entitled to privilages others not part of this group are allowed to have. Well, human primates practice this too. And that means it's pretty much in every culture too. There will always be that ruling class, it's part of our nature. It's pretty much in every group too. It's constantly marketed and monitored. And there will always be those that look for ways to manipulate their way towards obtaining status. So with that there will always be gaslighting and lies involved and varying degrees of pretending to care to make gains too. The higher up one gets the more prevalant it becomes. And for anyone that's climbed a ladder, it gets rather shakey up there so it's necessary to have others that can secure that from lower on the ground. Not only that but there is always someone on that ladder right behind in hopes to claim that higher level. It's just something that has always been there. The older one gets, the more life experience one has the more they see this reality. And that's why so many that are older say, "If only I knew then what I know now".

You know Dechan, it's very possible that this friend, even though she came from what you saw as a loving family, always saw that you had more. That your family had more wealth, a fancier and bigger home and maybe you had nicer clothes etc. Perhaps that was something she wanted, that's often the case and there was a bit of jealousy there that you did not notice. And that transcends beyond physical beauty or even the silly giggles. Maybe, she had a different idea of what that was supposed to be like and even though she has a nice house and material things, something is missing for her. Maybe her husband was good at impressing everyone else but her too. Maybe he is not the prince charming others think he is and she has not been happy in her palace. This happens all the time. All that glitters is not gold and she is now older and more aware of how stuck she is. And because she could not get you to see that, she blew up at you. And ofcourse, considering where you are right now in a genuine difficult place, the last thing you needed was for her to take all this anger out on you. Instead of seeing where you really are, she was seeing you as having more power than her and needing you to comfort her even though you are clearly in such a challenged place right now.

So as a result, you feel blindsided and that really can "hurt". There are times that a person is so self involved that they fail to see important things, things that are significant to another person. And when this happens it can hurt deeply and it can be easy to come to a conclusion the other person must be a narcissist. That's because narcissists are known to be very self involved and fail to recognize the needs of others and feel genuine empathy for them. And sometimes, a person can only pretend to care as they know it's important to do so in order to gain attention to themselves and get their needs met. And often they develop what is known as "fake petting" to keep others at least feeling like they are important, when in reality they are just used to hold up the ladder needed to feed the individuals ego.