This is why you are experiencing so much cognitive dissonance. I experience this myself Dechan, it can get debilitating. I do not get any enjoyment from hurting others it's never been anything that empowered me like I have seen others get from causing hurt and doubt in others. There are many that are just consumers, looking to buy some new thrill instead of learning how to create their own thrills. It sounds like your mother encouraged learning how to create and she gave warmth to doing that instead of encouraging "using" what others create, instead she wanted to inspire creating from within oneself. It's learning inspiration, not deprevation or competition, but instead sharing joy and a sense of creative freedom.

We tend to reward gold stars for being perfect instead of rewarding for learning how to learn and grow and embracing self discovery. It's like expecting everyone to conform to being a rose, when in reality people are all different flowers within and blossom at different times and in different ways. I have no interest in ruining another's blossom, and I have my own blossom that I want respected too.

Narcissists don't get that, for whatever reason they feel deprived and as a result can't be truthful or embrace reality but instead look to change reality to whatever suits them.

That being said Dechan, in all fairness to your friend, if her husband is in fact an alcoholic, there is a lot of narcissism in that problem in that everything revolves around the drinking. And some alcoholics are high functioning and manage to hide this problem well and can be rather charming and likeable. Yet, their spouses see the true Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde in them that others don't see. Given that my father was a binge alcoholic and I married a binge alcoholic, I do happen to be familiar with this challenge.

It could be that this friend has a great deal of pent up frustration in her and when you were not receptive, she blasted you with all this pent up anger. That was certainly not fair to you. If this is a true problem for your friend, she needs support from others that CAN validate her and help her. It's unfortunate but there are times where others pull away simply because they never witnessed the behaviors for themselves and feel uncomfortable talking about it. For myself, it was a friend divorcing her husband because he was an alcoholic and she could not take it anymore, he was bad and died young from it. I had not understood binge alcoholism and what is so unhealthy about it that was affecting me. Actually, even my husband did not realize he had a problem until I finally said something and he went to an AA meeting and learned he had a problem.

You did not deserve to be blasted and have to endure all this friend's pent up anger. It sounds like she felt abandoned and expected you to be able to have a more open mind. Yet, if someone is not seeing something for themselves, doesn't understand the challenge personally, then it's not something they are capable of engaging in, especially if the person being discussed was always nice to them and they never saw the bad behaviors first hand.