For quite a while it seems like life is mundane. It feels like life is "clockwork" or just being a cog in the wheel. I do things every week precisely on the minutes.

I go to work and I'm thankful to have a job to go to. I feel guilty for not being happy with it at times. At where I work, it's a skeletal crew. Hardly anyone there and there's not much work to do. So it gets boring and the days drag. Plus people's moods are not good and I miss a lot of those who were at my job. I probably will never see those at work I liked a lot ever again.

At home there's a lot more of nothing than at work. On Saturdays I'm bogged down and busy with cleaning and shopping. I live at a small apartment complex and haven't connected with anyone. In passing I would say hello to some. There are some whom I want to avoid also. I just have one friend locally and we just talk on the phone. He's alright but I'm not crazy about him. There were times when I wanted to split with him because he would say things that are upsetting. We'll probably never get together again also for various reason. I have my sister who calls me every Sunday. Sometimes our talks go OK and sometimes not. She and will probably never get together also for various reasons.

So I don't know. I don't know what to do to break out of this. I know that my life now is pretty good and I shouldn't complain. I feel guilty when I do. I know that in this pandemic, trying to do things to improve social life is harder. But it was difficult for me long before this thing happened. Well, this morning, I read a passage about a sunflower in amongst a patch of sage, cactus, and thorns. It means that some little thing can happen to lift me up in the midst of the dryness. I'm hoping for that and I hope I could be that to someone else.