I have to walk away from them and keep my mouth shut, avoiding confrontation. I’ve explained myself, asking for what I need. It shouldn’t even need to be asked for. It should be easy to give. But it’s not being given. I don’t deserve it. I don’t evoke the feelings of love and empathy in them that I believe I am acting in a way that would warrant those feelings. I am confused why coldness prevails. The more I crave this love, the more it eludes me.

It breaks my heart and the sad and angry emotions surge through me. But, with the meds and having made up my mind to be healthy, I retreat to my room and do not engage...so no drama. If I say anything more, it will only make mattes worse.