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Originally Posted by Discombobulated
Hi, I hope it's okay to add to this - I think the end of a friendship can be extremely sad and distressing. There's a lot said and written about romantic relationship break ups but less so about friendships - I am not sure why this is because friendships can be just as important in their own way.
I can't imagine how this must feel after 5 decades. It sounds like she has been one of your major primary relationships and this is going to be upsetting for you. I hope writing it out here helped especially if you are needing closure.
It sounds to me like she really pushed your boundaries, talking negatively about her husband who was a mutual friend. It sounds like triangulating. That is a very destructive thing for her to have done. I can understand why you finally said no more- even though it must have been hard.
Often the right/best thing to do is not the easiest. It takes strength and courage to call time on a relationship which is no longer good for us or the other person.
I hope you can find peace and closure.
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Triangulation! That was it...EXACTLY. That was the word I used in a text with her. I said I did not want to be triangulated with her and her spouse. And you paid attention...because you noted that I knew him. And finally that was it. I felt it wasn't morally right to make an enemy out of him for no reason...especially because he had always been helpful and cordial to me...like helping me with computer issues and such.
Coming here and talking about it for two days straight in these LOOOOOONG posts did help a lot. I saw that there was nothing more I could do...and that I had to let go...with love. That's the hard part because of feeling so hurt...but I can see that it is right. So I just put her back in my prayers.
Not praying that we become friends again...but that she find some peace in her life.
In my life I have always had a tradition...that I not be at odds with older people. They are closer to death...and one should not release a bunch of negative vibes around them. And now that I am older I also don't want to be swirling in negative vibes.
And so it made me sooooooo angry that this was how this was going to end...with all the negative stuff.
I recently came across a picture of her when she was in her early 20's. She was a gorgeous girl. In the picture (black and white) she had a scarf across her lower face...and just her bright blue eyes and creamy Irish complexion were highlighted. Because of the scarf the photo looked very contemporary. Like a mask.
I carefully stored the picture away. So yeah, there is a strange element of it being almost like a romantic relationship. Don't know why. But had a lot of fire and passion and laughter and tears. A lifetime's worth.
