Hi Kaleena,

Do you have any idea what you might be scared of? Maybe of gaining weight? And if so, why might you be scared of that? What does it mean to you?

I don't know how to help you stop with the bulimia. You already know what that's going to do to your body, and of course it's not good for you emotionally either. I think it takes professional help. You'll need to go to your doctor and ask for help with it.

As far as knowing knowing better and still not being able to stop, you are not alone there. I am continuously self-destructive. Although self injury is my main vice, I may have an eating disorder too. I haven't gotten into bulimia, but I skip meals most of the time, and use a dieter's tea that is a laxative. I'm normal weight, although I eat way too much chocolate (and hardly anything else). I know better too. I've finished my B.A. in psychology, and haven't gotten into graduate school yet, but I want to be a psychologist. Both of my jobs have to do with mental health - one of them is at a facility that treats girls with a lot of the same issues that I have. At the other job I keep finding myself in the position of educating parents about many things that are my issues too. I'm trying to tell people how to avoid or overcome the same things that I'm struggling with in my own life. My T keeps pointing out the separation between my professional self and non-working self, since I deal with the same stuff at work that I can't deal with in my own life. I guess knowing it isn't the same as applying it.

I think that issues like eating disorders, etc. are bigger than we can wrestle with all by ourselves. It helps to have support, such as you can get here, and I hope that you keep coming back here and join our little family. You also need to get professional help.

p.s. I like your website. I have a blog too, but haven't had the energy to keep up with mine much in the last few months, despite my best intentions. You're welcome to PM me if you like, about anything at all.