I am so sorry you are hurting so, Breeze. I do feel overwhelmed at times. I do. I find if I focus on what I don't have, I feel worse than if I focus on what I do have. I should be dead, long ago. God saved me. No idea why.

But I try to support and love other people the best I can. I am grateful for what I have. I lost a multimillion dollar business, wife, child, virtually all family and all friends. Spent 5 yrs in an extremely dangerous state hospital for bogus reasons. Incurred millions in debt. I could choose to focus on not speaking to my son for 9 yrs. Or I can make the best of extraordinary loss. I choose the latter

I recommend you immediately buy and read Man's Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl. He does a better job arguing this. Takes 3 hrs to read

Do not give up. Hang on. There is hope. God treasures you. I have no idea why He makes it so hard on us. But I will ask Him the next time I see Him.

Hugs and love.