I think that a lot of people genuinely don’t know how to listen. Actually I learned that when dealing with individuals that have dyslexia or adhd they can only listen for a short period then zone out. Yet can go on and on about themselves. In fact many of the individuals at AA meetings have to learn how to sit and listen and not interrupt when others are talking.

It sounds like the women you are friendly with don’t know how to listen and attentively interview you so you feel heard. That can be frustrating given that as a caregiver you are trained to listen and attend accordingly. These women most likely don’t have any of that kind of training. Doesn’t mean they are not nice or purposely selfish they simply just don’t know.

Once you were in an environment with others that had this training you felt heard and felt comforted.

Psychiatrists are not therapists. They tend to look for symptoms and consider what drugs may reduce symptoms. And they don’t always diagnose correctly either. Their interest is more about brain chemistry. But also look for behavior patterns that fit into different criteria’s that are listed in DSM manual.

I question that diagnosis of npd to be honest because I have not seen you gaslight or lie or manipulate. You have a devotion to making sure something comes out right and you love to learn. I think you get frustrated when you experience emotions when you don’t want to. It’s almost as though you were encouraged to see to much emotion as weakness or that you are a failure if you can’t contain them.

I think you tried to rationalize how things were going to be to prepare yourself for your SO’s passing. And you don’t like the grieving. Well nurses learn to detach and think about the medical care. And you did that with your SO but you also loved him. It’s not the same as just another patient. There is a different dimension to this. It’s much more emotional.

I don’t think the average person is capable of recognizing that. Yet I think the staff in the smaller unit were capable of having that kind of understanding.