She sounds like she was overall a good friend. Like I said earlier, these lifelong friendships become so close, more like family, that they become enmeshed.

I felt like my friend couldn’t separate where she ended and I began. She had no qualms saying things to me no one would ever say to someone, and I mostly put up with it. She had a habit of trying to push me into giving it back to her, but if i ever did, she’d become outraged. She could dish it out, but can’t take it. I hated that whole biting dynamic she kept trying to do, and wouldn’t play her game. But, I don’t think your friendship was like that.

It sounds like yours just got too close, too personal and triangulated where you were IN the marriage with them.

And where is she to help you when you are being displaced in your housing situation? Now, that would be a really good lifelong friend. Her marriage issues are much more important to her to vent about to you and when you ask her to stop she lashes out in anger. Her issues aren’t dire, yours are. A true friend should have some empathy.

If you decide to have a phone conversation with her, it may make you feel better rather than ending it this way. You can certainly use moral support, at least. There’s no shame in expressing your feelings and asking for your needs to be met. I just did that with my son, rather than constantly hurt from his abandonment. But, of course, if you’d rather not and move on from her you do what’s best for you. Regardless, it won’t be the same dynamic of her venting to you about her husband anymore.

I feel really bad that i couldn’t maintain that lifelong friendship. But she made it impossible. She was not a good friend. So the idealized thought of what I wanted it to be was never accurate anyway. I thought more highly of her than she deserved. But, again, your friend doesn’t sound like she was always toxic and a bad friend...so there’s that for you to consider.