I just got back on meds 2 weeks ago. I was off them since April, and only on them feb-april of this year. And all of 2019, I was off them. I actually hadn't had that major of depressions, just hypomanias that I couldn't recognize that made me do strange things like drink 20 cups of coffee in a single day and not sleep at all for days. I didn't even know I was in hypomania. I also deal with dissociation so I feel as though I don't recognize my episodes sometimes. Anyways, it feels better to be back on a med but I have mixed feelings about being back on it. I want to be off them, but I know I just can't deal with my symptoms without them. I found the keto diet kept me from being depressed or I would just have a mild depression, but it didn't stop the hypo episodes with impulsive, dangerous decisions so I know I at least need 1 or 2 meds. Maybe you can talk to your doc about just taking 1 or 2 and not being on a bunch. That was why I had quit taking them previously.