The goal is to be healthy in whatever package that comes in. If you feel better, that's the goal, right?

Geodon is more weight friendly than a lot of other options. You will need to eat well and exercise, but you can lose weight or maintain while taking it. I did that in 2019 while taking it.

I stopped meds in September of 2019 per my doctor. We had hoped I would be fine without them, but then an episode came along this summer and it became clear Geodon was needed again to keep myself and my loved ones safe.

I won't lie and say a part of me wasn't disappointed. It sucked to get sick again. That's the part that I was upset about. The meds are just a physical symbol of the fact my mind was unwell and it is very difficult for me to admit I cannot control my own mind.

Instead of hating the meds, I do all I can to help them work as good as possible while staying on as low a dose as possible. I find focusing on that helps me channel my disappointment in my outcome into a healthy outlet.

Do what you need to do, but I think you're brave for giving yourself what you need to be well. Reward yourself for working to overcome guilt when you make progress. And keep in mind progress is the goal, not perfection. Be well.