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stormyangels said:
I'm not demanding love or asking anyone to fabricate feelings that are not real. My therapist loves me and cares about me. It has been said over, and over, and over. The feelings are very real.

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And what happens if you're wrong?

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So why do I need it said often? Because I have been abandoned over and over and over again. Love in my past has not been constant. It has been there one minute, ripped away the next, and placed back in play again. It was always conditional, and anytime I reached for it, it was gone. Is that an excuse to demand my therapist to tell me she loves me when *I* need her to. No. But it's the reason why.

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I don't think you've gone deep enough. The reason you need the assurances isn't because you've been abandoned. It's because you can't stand the feelings of loss and loneliness and all their precursors, so you mask by repeatedly procuring assurances. Methinks your therapist is wise for withholding that affection and placing you in a state of limbo.

But rather than choose to confront those feelings, I think you've searched for those reassurances on this site. Are you really going to try and tell me that a thread called "I hate ME." isn't in some round-about way a cry for attention? Look how many hugs you procured in the opening posts.

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If I knew of a real, workable solution, I wouldn't BE here (in psychotherapy searching for answers, searching for guidance). I would not be wasting my time, my energy, my money, and driving myself absolutely crazy about why I feel so incredibly crappy about me and why I am this way. I AM searching for a solution darling, doing that does not mean that the CHANGE and WORK that comes with that is instantaneous. I am working on it, and the road is a very, very long one.

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I have borderlineish features too in close relationships. In fact, I think nearly everyone does, especially those with fearful or avoidant attachment styles (but that's another discussion). The only thing that has really worked for me is being accepting of my insanity (and finding humor in it) and starting to befriend my fears instead of shutting the door on them and making them wait outside, ashamed.