I am really happy for you that you have reconnected with your son. Well, he should say what is in his heart but ALSO say what you want to hear because "acting as if" is very powerful. He needs his Mom in his life. Yes, never give up on him. That's the "Mom job" ---

My son and I have weathered many rough times...but we always come back and reconnect on a deeper level. Maybe that is happening now with you and your adult child. Best of luck.

Thank you for your presence on Psych Central, Tish. I have always followed your every thread whether I comment or not. I have always enjoyed your every contribution and consider you to be...well, don't blush...but absolutely brilliant!


I am not really very independent. Not at all. Not by a long shot. If I was...I would be able to take care of myself. And I am not doing that well. I have been very stressed and not functioning well these last few months. I have been unable to get the support I need in real life. This has all been made much worse by the pandemic.

No one is functioning very well.

Calling housing agencies and nonprofits and leaving messages and such is much harder. They take days...sometimes weeks...to return calls...and often have nothing to offer in the way of help. As well there are new stricter guidelines for renting with people needing proof of income and having incomes 3X monthly rent. Many people's rent has been more than 33 per cent of their monthly income. Often it is 40 or 50 per cent or more. People who rent use more and more of their income towards rent. In my case I have recently been using 99 per cent of monthly income for rent. The model of 3X monthly rent is totally not realistic and it is causing a lot of people to have difficulty in renting affordable housing.

Four years ago the property manager here told me how to "fudge" my accounts so I would qualify for renting here. My ex helped me get in here by transferring funds to my savings account which he withdrew as soon as I moved in. So it looked like I had more money than I did in actuality. In other words...I "fudged the rules" to get in here. And ironically it was the property manager who told me to do this. She said if I had a certain amount in my savings account they would allow me to sign the lease. She said I should get someone to put cash in my savings account for a week while I signed the lease. So that's what I did.

My ex told me to never again ask him for help and I have kept to that. Not because he isn't able to...but because he did not want to help me. He did not give me any money, of course. He just transferred some funds then transferred them back to his accounts...over a period of about 4 days. It was merely a paperwork gesture...but kept me from being homeless four years ago up until now.

I called my health provider twice in the past month with messages that I was experiencing extreme stress with suicidal ideation. But conversations with crisis counselors there have not gone well. It was one counselor there who convinced me I should move back east and put it on my credit cards.

Other crisis counselors have said it was a "good idea" to move back east even though it meant going into debt. I scrapped that plan when it seemed I would go into debt for about $5,000. Back there they don't have these strict new requirements for renting. They just check credit and rental history and mine is about as good as it gets...at the moment.

Well, now it is too late. I scrapped that plan of moving back east and doing everything on credit. I didn't realize how REALLY bad it is in this area regarding no affordable housing...and from my research I see fewer roommates situations...probably because of the pandemic.

Even though I am preparing to be homeless...it is really not a viable situation. I am high risk for Covid and use a nebulizer two to three times daily for asthma. The machine needs to be plugged in. My pick up truck is very old and it is really not viable to consider living in it. I would rather die than go into a shelter. I simply would not do it. Going into a shelter in the middle of a pandemic? I can think of better ways to commit suicide.

This ex-friend suggested to me...last year...that I get a storage unit and live in it. Well, I don't know if she was being cruel or not...but that isn't even viable as it is completely illegal to consider that...and storage unit companies would not allow that to happen. I did ask her if she was "serious" and she didn't answer. It was...a rather humiliating conversation. I told her at that time I was having suicidal ideation. The next day I texted her and said I needed a break from communicating with her. Her response was to text me and tell me that if she didn't hear from me within 24 hours she was going to call the police.

I emailed her and lamblasted her. It was like she was using calling the police as some kind of threat. She knew I was calling my doctor regularly and also using crisis hotlines when I felt I needed to talk. Her calling the police would have been inappropriate.


I since have read that this is something narcissists will do...they will call the police on someone because of their rage or to get back at someone who says they don't want to communicate. This is actually something narcissists do...


OMG. I am not doing well. At the same time no one EVER EVER EVER thinks I am not doing well. What I mean is everyone always has complete faith in me that I will survive and figure things out and land on my feet. I guess based on past experience that's true...and they always say that past experience in the best predictor of future experience. I do always land on my feet. But...this whole situation...is over the top. Over the top. I cant even consider moving to the nearest large city because protestors there have become violent and it would be too dangerous to even visit there never mind move there.

It is ironic that at this time now this forum is threatened. With the pandemic nothing is safe.

Hold on to love, folks, hold on to love.