Hi, I think it's really positive to contemplate what you want and need, and what's healthy and unhealthy. As far as getting help...if you want help to change the habits and behaviours you don't like, I'd say go ahead and ask for it! Lots of people are happy to share their journeys and experience and extend a helping hand to someone in want as much as in need...I don't think you're looking stupid for getting the help before it gets worse, especially if you're feeling out of control. It sounds like you're putting a ton of pressure on yourself to be the best you can be...or even better than that! It's kind of admirable! I hope you can get out this trouble.
I've been in and out of trouble with drugs alcohol and compulsive behaviours. The thing that's been a fairly constant problem since age 10/11 is binge eating. I didn't take it seriously as a compulsion/addiction till recently...I know it's harmful and out of control though, and for me that's enough of a reason to get help. I just signed up to a twelve step group who meets near me, OA. I hope the support helps, because I'm struggling a lot some days. For ages I read about addiction and listened to podcasts. Positive Sobriety podcast has helped me understand addiction a lot better. I think Chip Dodd and Stephen James have great insight on recovery.
Positive Sobriety Podcast

Idk if you give that a listen if any of it will seem to fit with your life. I know it did with mine.

Hope you get your wants and needs met one way or another, Lostsoul3 K