This is how i feel: I think i have a strange kind of DID, that i wish i could hang on to, that the real me is only activated in times of real stress, but thats the me i like the best. Like when my dad died, for those 4 days i was in a heightened state of awareness. Sometimes when im really sick. Im not sure i get there anymore, being on psych meds. But THAT ME has a life force. Which really surprises me. I wish i were more aware of it in daily life, it seems it could be useful. Maybe exercise would make me more aware of it.

Other times i see stories about suis not succeeding and people then undergo face replacements? And that is just horrifying to me. I just want to go back in time. It feels very claustrophobic.