I work at my boyfriend's family's farm. I had last week off to get myself in order and I went back to work Sunday. Sunday and yesterday went okay, but today they had me on the phone and I had a panic attack so they told me to quit early. I called my therapist a couple hours ago and she's really concerned. TW: My self harming has gotten more, ummm, extensive these past few days. I didn't tell my therapist, but I've also been having graphic urges and images of me killing myself. I was afraid she'd send me to the hospital since I'm having a hard time working and having these thoughts. End TW

My relationship with my bf isn't going to well either. He and his family don't understand my mood swings and behavior. If he finds out about the cutting, he's going to end it. He probably should His family would like someone who can consistently work too. Should I leave him? I don't want to be the bother I am.

Does anybody know any meds that are good specifically for ultradian cycling? This is really wearing on me, and I'm getting sick of the healthy ways to cope my therapist taught me. I was a mess of self harm, drug use, and all sorts of impulsive, self-destructive behaviors before her and I kinda feel like screw it, go back to the "real" me.

I guess I'm just getting tired. Few hours up, few hours screaming into a pillow, few hours crying wishing I was dead, take another Klonopin for sleep, and pretty much repeat. Every day for the past ten years

By the way, is there any way to use these smilies that come up to the right in all posts? The box only comes up when I'm typing up a new thread.

Sorry for the bummer post. I hope all is well for you