Hi Mulder00, I feel I can really sympathise with your need for space, and what it's like for that need to be disreguarded. Also, in my marriage I felt starved of affection (my ex wasn't honest about his own need for space, but would use tactics to keep me nearby, but at arms length)...I knew he had issues with being affectionate, but I didn't expect him to just make the effort for me...we all have our own issues to work through, right. Well, we've been separated four years now.

I wrote some resolutions today that came up from my therapy session...
I have in the past, but no longer:
Do things out of spite
Accept being robbed of material things, or of volition
Give up

It's important to remember that letting go is not the same as giving up. You deserve to have your own reasons for doing everything you do. I'm sure there's always some dissatisfaction, conflict and compromise in relationships, but it's only your relationship if you can be you. I want my relationships to build me up and I've distanced myself from people that steal my thunder, undermine my endeavours, or salt my wounds. I've had to be a bit lonely sometimes, but it's better than FOG (fear, obligation, guilt).

I'd like to think that if I'd had better boundaries with my ex then we could have been friends or even had a good relationship, but there's no way of knowing, and at the end he gave me the choice of bending to his will or having nothing more to do with him or his son. Considering the way he'd acted towards me when I was grieving my mother who'd died only months before, I had to choose to stay away. I wasn't even safe anymore.

You really deserve to be yourself, and I know it can be hard to act for your own reasons and in your own interest, especially during tough times, and if someone else seems so sure of what they want. Sending love, and wishing all the power to you, to get you out of the limbo you're in into a better place K