Quote:
Originally Posted by MsLady
Ok. I've read about half of this thread. I get he's completely unstable and you've had difficulties blocking him due to him contacting you by other means.
I'm curious how long has this been happening? You mentioned after 6mo of knowing him, it all began. How long has it been since then?
You can't control how and what he sends you.. but what puzzles me more is that you've spent A LOT of time watching these videos and reading these texts. Why?! I don't think it's because you're a "nurturing" and "caring" person. Something sounds off, to me.
I don't understand, under these circumstances, why you'd want to be friends with this guy. He's not being a friend to you. He's playing you and is being abusive.
The obvious boundary, which I'm aware you've finally taken, is to permanently cut contact from YOUR end. Not only that, stop reading his texts and watching his videos! What's the payoff for you?
You're in a relationship? What does your partner think about this? How does he feel about your level of involvement with this guy? He's not your childhood best bud you've had for life.
Reading this thread, it very much sounds like you played the role of his girlfriend. I think it's because of the level of attention you've given him.
Honestly, I doubt he's suicidal. It's just a tactic that's worked to get your attention. He is a stalker and you've opened the doors to him, multiple times. I also think he's dumping all of his "problems" on you because that's what hooked you in, in the first place. He's got your attention so it's no surprise he's escalated in that area, now that you've given him the silent treatment. He's trying to get you back, and with strategies that worked before.. and is now being theatrical about it.
Taking a "break"? He needs very clear boundaries. He doesn't care WHAT you're babbling about.. what your position is, why you're not interested, etc. That's a whole lot of explanation coming from your end. What he's interested in is your ATTENTION. He's only interested in you filling his bucket in any way he can get you to.. and it's worked.
He's not your boyfriend, partner, or husband. He's not your child or family member. He's not your neighbour or even a person who lives in the same city as you. You're not attracted to him. You're not wanting a romantic relationship with him. He's caused you a lot of stress in your life, and the lives of your family and friends. So, sorry to be so blunt... WHY did you allow it to go on? What was in it for you?
Honestly, I'd discuss this with YOUR therapist, not HIS. There's something within you that, not only attracted you to him, but that allowed you to MAINTAIN this "non-relationship".
You are educated, financially secure, and have a supportive social network. So what is it? Instead of dissecting his mental profile, I'd start looking within yourself.
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Well, I'm glad you said it seems "off" because I was about to.
TO THE ORIGINAL POSTER:
If you have a graduate degree in psych how is it that you don't have a much better handle on BPD, what steps must be taken to distance/remove a person with the Disorder who consistently boundary-busts from your life- basically the "what to do/not to do's"?
Actually, when you wrote "I came to remember that I have a graduate degree in psychology" I almost fell off my chair. Graduate school is neither a fast endeavor nor an easy one. You had to write a thesis for God's sake. And you didn't remember that you had the degree???
Most disconcerting of all is you've freely admitted to what sounds
preettttyyyy darn close to cluster B traits yourself (passive-aggression, inability to feel emotions beyond a superficial depth, and, really the most chilling: you don't seem to have an ounce of empathy towards him.)
Yet....you have a
graduate degree in psych....but I've gotten no sense at ALL that you realize/empathize this guy is in a world of pain. Or, if you do, you don't much care. In fact, the sense I got from reading your entries is that you've actually toyed with him to a certain extent. WTAF?
Being empathetic doesn't for one second equate to you should keep this person in your life, btw.
You'd answer his texts every now and again. Which, of course, fed him some more string with which he could tie himself to you. You cannot be a grad student in psych and not know that the only recourse if things have escalated to this point is
100% NO CONTACT . So YOU should have created a new account, only given it to trusted family and friends, and never looked at the account he has of yours ever again. And never, ever to reply to his texts. And never, ever to take a single one of his phone calls. And if he shows up anywhere you are and will not leave after you ask him ONCE to immediately call the police.
Yeah, this sure AF sounds "off". Like dead fish left on the hood of a car on a really hot and sunny day "off".
W.O.W.
Edited to Add: You titled your post "My Hopefully Not Too Long-Winded Encounter with BPD"....which, mostly because of
your "update" entries has now extended to being, what? - TEN pages long. Even the title you gave the thread - like you're regaling us with a thrilling story to which you provide new "installments" when you have the chance to dash one off.
Again: WOW WOW WOW.