Thank you two. I have been clean and sober for three years now, it's just those urges are coming back along with urges to do all sorts of other things. I've decided I'm packing a bag and heading for the woods to get in touch with my higher power. I did this when I was homeless and was just getting clean. I stayed up all night making this plan. If things get too bad, and I start wishing I stole my bf's gun, I'll come back and get in touch with my treatment team. I already left a message for the two of them about an hour ago. I have a plan for the next week, and after then I'm playing it by ear.
Much love,
Pineperson