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Originally Posted by corbie
Sorry, meant to respond to this, but anxiety levels got to the physically painful territory if I tried too hard to deal with this stuff. In particular, any attempts to communicate about it.
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I’m very glad and to read this post, and find it interesting and am glad you wrote it, but just to make clear – you owe me nothing. So if in any sense you were meaning this as an apology, please don’t worry about that – if you can. If you are sorry yourself that your anxiety levels didn’t permit you to deal with a response for awhile – I’m very glad if/that they are better!
Quote:
Originally Posted by corbie
. . . I guess that kind of makes sense in relation to shame, but I really need to find a way around it somehow.
Anyhow, Monday's session brought some reassurance - I think managed to bring up everything that I was going to email about, and got satisfactory answers, so it worked out as well as I could reasonably expect.
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Sounds like good news!
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Originally Posted by corbie
. . .
I told T that I think it's shame, but didn't feel safe delving into it + wanted to focus on the other stuff first. I also asked her about the issues that proved problematic before (suicidal ideation, and my very strong 'resistance', as ex-T called it), and ... well, the very fact that we had an actual discussion is promising, her approach is promising, so it's reassuring altogether. I still feel like I'm climbing on rocks with patches of ice, a little bit further from the edge of the precipice than before, but scared that I might slip, and it'll be a huge fall when I do. IF, I should say IF.
. . ..
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Yes, I experienced huge falls, down cold abysses, and ice shards or rocks can cut one to pieces – or maybe that’s what already happened to me when I was little? My last T did say when I first started seeing her that I was “wounded and fragmented”. Still, the reenactment – well, . . .So, to me, being careful sounds very much like taking good care of yourself.
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Originally Posted by corbie
. . .
Re: BetterHelp T . . . Did the deeper stuff come up in reaction to something she did or said? Or could it be because she's kind and the angry part is feeling safe enough to want to come out? At least, that's a thing for me, I think it kind of was with xT, I kind of started believing that she so kind and accepting that she might even accept me ... but then she didn't. That's not saying it's the same for you or that your T will do the same, though! I hope it continues to go well.
. . .
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So far, so good but you make a very, very good point. I hadn’t consciously thought about that, but it definitely rings a bell and a good warning. Thanks.
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Originally Posted by corbie
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Which reminds me, one thing I forgot was to explicitly ask T to let me know if I'm starting to be too much, should do that next Monday, or in email if I manage to write one this time.
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Please let us know how it goes, if you feel like it. I hope things go well for you, too.