Threads like these are very difficult for me and it’s one of the reasons I lay low. Laura, please accept what I say with concern and caring. You are not doing great and you are not okay. Going med free is not working for you. You need to take an honest look at everything you posted. Look at your behaviors. You are headed for a terrible crash and you have the power to stop this. You need to honestly reach out to your psychiatrist for help and tell him all of these things.