I think some of my behavior could be described as obsessive compulsive disorder. I have obsessions about orderliness. Unfortunately, I have a slight tendency toward hoarding. It's hard to reconcile the two.

Three months ago my boyfriend died after a long illness. It was up to me to clear out his apartment. I donated, or gave away, pretty much all of his furniture and durable medical equipment. I also filled a bunch of boxes and hefty bags with all the small stuff. I brought that stuff to my apartment. Now I'm swamped with "stuff."

My plan was to go through all that stuff, keep what I want and throw out or donate the stuff I don't want. I thought it was a plan that couldn't fail. I was so wrong. I'm living in the midst of worsening chaos.

I'm surrounded by boxes and bags full of "stuff." I'm tripping over this stuff. I seem to want to hold on to more stuff than I have room for. I pick up an item, and I can't decide what to do with it. Living in such a disorganized environment is causing me to feel very disorganized internally. I lose track of what day of the week it is. I miss appointments. I eat at weird times. It's horrible.

I want to make my apartment a nice home again, like it was 4 years again. I'm afraid that I will never unravel this tangled mess. The anxiety I get over this is paralyzing.

Can anyone relate . . . even a little bit?