Wide awake. No sleep for me. I'm so tired, but cant sleep. My son bought beer. Really pisses me off. First off we cant afford it. Second, he gets drunk and stupid and then tomorrow hell be hungover and a asshole! Since its after midnight, it's my birthday today. I haven't had a good birthday in years. Usually my family wants to take me out to dinner. These 4-6 hour panic attacks are completely ruling my life. I feel like I'm pms'ing. But I'm almost done with my period. I don't know what's wrong. Since I got off lorazepam my cycle has been completely out of whack.

I don't know if it will work with this new therapist. All he talks about is meditation. He wants me to practice it. Which I totally understand. But that's all he seems to have to offer. I'll give it a couple more weeks and if I'm not feeling it I will look for someone new. I'm not going to make any decisions right now. Just not a good idea with the anger I'm feeling. I'm seriously so sick of my life. Its just exhausting. Ugh!

I feel trapped and so worn out. I'm trying to practice gratitude but its just one thing after the other. They took me off lorazepam bc the last psych nurse I had said it can cause dementia. Now they wont put me back on it bc this new pdoc says my sleep apnea. It's so frustrating bc I know it would greatly improve my life if I was on it. Just a simple solution. But they wont put me back on it. So angry tonight...