Thank you again Divine 1966 and Open Eyes for your kind replies.

Yes, in Italy it's the same. Actually both can diagnose, but psychiatrists have the last word and only them can prescribe medication. Nonetheless, often psychotherapists use "friends" who whork as psychiatrists to validate their diagnosis and prescribe medication. I had been prescribed Valium for general anxiety at my first visit, and then the doctor never asked me how I was doing. So I started taking three times the recommended dosage every day and luckily my friends noticed I was acting weird and convinced me to stop before I could hurt myself.

Now yes I would like some strategies to cope. And above all I would like to know if there's some underlying problem that makes me feel like this, because then I could say "ok, it's my illness that makes me think like this". My only diagnosis (the one that a psychiatrist gave me) is depression with anxious features. Therapists have made other hypothesis such as BPD and bipolar II or cyclothymia, but I don't fully recognize myself in neither of them.

I remember that in middle school I had a best friend and I would feel hurt if he didn't answer to a text or hanged out with someone else without telling me. I never told anything to him because I knew my thoughts were not justified. This pattern continued throughout my life and I would concentrate all my attention towards one friend at a time and my whole mood depended on him, because it made the difference between feeling loved or feeling lonely.

Then when I started doing drugs I magically got rid of this problem and I was finally able to live a normal life. Then unfortunately the problem came back and at one point I couldn't say anymore if my mood swings were caused by friendships or drugs but it was probably both. That's when other problems started to add such as anxiety and paranoid thoughts.

Then when I quit I felt way better but this problem remained and I lost hope. If a friend doesn't answer to a text for example (even if he was him who texted me in the first place) I start to think that he doesn't see me as a friend. I start to think that he considers me an unworthy person and that he hangs out with me only because I am generous. And all sorts of thoughts like this. I would like to know the reason behind my thinking process, instead therapists jump from one thing to another, asking questions, and I get confused until the hour ends and I have to pay.

Edit: Yes I do have hobbies and I study, but I can't do anything right now because of my depression. If I feel loved by my friends I can do anything I want and I'm full of energy. Otherwise I just feel like I'm dead.

Edit: Unfortunately the only support group in my area is an addiction center. There is also a national hotline run by volunteers but it's always occupied with calls and it's very difficult to find it free.