I needed a bit of a cheering up tonight... and these made me laugh... enjoy!

"You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest." - Rowan Atkinson.

"What's another word for thesaurus?" - Steven Wright.

"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?" - Steven Wright

"I can resist everything except temptation." - Oscar Wilde.

"If at first you don't succeed... So much for skydiving." - Henry Youngman

"Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa?" - Bart Simpson

"Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos." - Homer Simpson

"I believe in dragons, fairies, good men and other mythical creatures!"

"A friend is someone who's there when he needs you"

"Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder"

"Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film!"

"42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot."

"If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?"

"When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. "

"I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out."

"If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side."

and if u have any more please add to them!!

babyg xxx