I feel like the biggest chump in the world. After busting my butt to work through 12 (YES TWELVE) affairs (6 emotional, 6 sexual & emotional)...he now wants his freedom. He waited a whopping 36 hours after we got home from dropping our youngest off at college to drop the bomb.

We have been through many separations (some as long as 10 months) due to his infidelity (supposedly sexual additction). I did everything I could to try to keep the marriage in tact...counseling...partner of sex addict groups...everything. All for nothing.

We have been separated for 2 weeks now and I hope to file the papers next week.

I just don't get it! Or maybe I do? His longtime counselor actually fired him two years ago when he had his most recent affair and lied to the group about it extensively. He said he had broken the integrity and trust of the group and until he went to a 30-day intensive sexual addiction treatment...he couldn't even see him as a client anymore. Well...that was that. No more counseling.

His counselor (and mine--they are a husband/wife team) wanted him to be tested for narcissistic personality disorder. They were both convinced (as am I and almost everybody who knows him) that he is a true narcissist.

Yet I still can't believe I am here! I can't believe it hurts so much. I can't believe it is over. I feel so rejected.

I welcome any/all advice. I have been a mess. I am finally in a place where I know it's really over yet I'm terrified.

I know in my head I deserve better but my heart is just broken. I am broken.